#15 dry paint chips

chips at the heart
believe something
without thought
emotion

fairness
hollowed ground
not faults
cannot be challenged

tears
as defense
leaves
coldness

broad strokes
even
trust
blind

specifics?
specifics
arguments?
non of it

faith
of course
not
too easy

#14 Even at last

had me in sight
she thought
I might
crushed me again

did not owe
broken
old
still ugly

ugly in heart
freight
incapable
of seeing

blind
habits
was lost in a glass
still missing out

sweetness?
humble?
forgiving?
caring?

who cares?
I did
last parting shot
lost controller

#13 She

gives me breath
appreciation
new to me
as never

greatful
knowing
notices
I notice

connection
without humiliation
real
no pain

traveling
in time
light
as me

expectation
reasonable
love a surprise
light judgement

wherever
we go
we can
sail

#12 same old nerves; to put it nicely

work is for jerks
gained employment
again
regain

you might think it's great
you'd think I can't wait
wrong and again
troubling

slavery gives me nothing
to want
depression
to haunt

I do enough
website's the dream
no inbetween
nothing

a moment to spare
for sleep
a moment to build
freedom

all that it means
can be seen from a dream
each is a gig
to be tired of

website salvation?
attack it with passion
works all the same
give it away either way

work is work
or not work
for somebody else
it could be me

#11 Ahead of nothing

under critical acclaim
it's all the same
applause is still untrue
it's such a shame

although we all need silence
it's not provided here
it makes one want to give in
nowhere to find a tear

conflict clear and dangerous
traffic of the mind
the clutter is contagious
not finding any sign

of what went wrong
or whom to blame
run screaming
from the house

the stomach's tied
in little nots
the head
does summersalts

don't dismay
the end is near
brother is much
wiser

too bad
adjustments
can be made
lack of all surprises

inner conflict fights the flu
inner conflict wins
how can all things be equal
when nothing is really the same?

be independent
be told what to do
it's an awful seminar
to derail

confronation
just don't do it
truth you hide to death

to be finished . . . . .

#10 Salisbury miSteak

going for a long drive,

drinking,

the old drink,

make everyone think.

but I can't be heard,

a little weird,

familiarity,

family.

talk it over,

heard it before spoken,

expect unnoticed embarrassment,

the not same.

new twists expected,

travel by cab,

to a new slab,

in the rain.

same game later,

still heard it before,

it is in me,

part of my meld.

ok.
it will be ok.

#9 Know

give me a time,

when the love was all mine,

and i'll record it in a notebook.

who's got the guts,

to draw the line,

on the page.

when nobody's looking.

it's a secret you see,

you don't have to believe,

it's a dream,

someone else's reality.

if someone would find it,

the sky would fall down,

the moon and the sun,

would go black.

martians invade,

the table'd be set,

the earth would tremble,

to know it.

and still,

maybe not,

being true,

to yourself

your true friends,

would keep you protected,

from disease and the cold,

until you are old,

you’d forget and you would not even know it.

#8 keep it

i heard it mentioned

rings true for a girl
 

jealousy?

complexity

co-dependence,
mine.

my past proves,

yes keep things the same.

she should not worry,

i will overtime.

over-committment,

my thing,

my thing,

my thing.

protective self-preservation,

doing me well.

a change?

again?

this way is new,

not the same is good.

Uncle Glenn,

Wisdom?

future,

does not exist.

#4 Fine Lines

i'm carrying my heart to another state,

don't mind me,

don't know my way around,

we'll have to wait and hear and see.

cloudy thoughts come to words,

when living,

like the forgotten name.

words will always fail me,

until I see what's true.

i can be whole,

i am,

i wonder if it's true.

no regrets on this journey since birth,

if I've lost my mind I never knew.

me first,
must be this way.

still i am happy that we are us,

me and you just won't do.

kansas city here I come,

only details to learn,

i am me,

so it will be the familar.

traveling through time,

freedom and God I keep,

love is all I need,

love is all I seek.

the road is hard beneath my tires,

darkness is not new,

i'll get that job,

i'll take the rest,

some sleep that I am due.

i'll explain what's happened when this life's journey is reflected in my heart.

#7 Patients with Transference

hello dr Lisa
who's the patient today?
each asking how you are
'must be you or I

smile if you must
some teasing laughing trust
i talk a while and so do you
a wonder free of lust

it's natural and it's simple
all together healthy
liking you is easy
session's quickly done

after complicated
feelings that are left
denial of these feelings
something I have felt

brushed them off
had my way
even lovingly inspired
admitted truth day by day

connect to me
connect to you
disregardless ethics of profession
two humans couldn't have more patience
with compassion and expression

perhaps another time
become just more than patient
a healthy jewish girl
bet me still your favorite client

#6 Couldn't Help Her

she had such a positive attitude that it hurt to watch
the dreams she had repeat and want action

money can make it hard to live and easy to talk
a quick fix works to disappoint

badly disguised denial takes lots of energy
worry about being phoney guarantees

my heart knew something was very wrong
the pain in my heart grew and grew
it swallowed me and my love for her

We were gone
Plenty of wine

#5 'Never Did

'Never did find you looking
as if you really cared

'Never meant to have you
look at me and stare

And judge and judge and judge me
When you were standing there

What's up with your criticism
and who gave you that right

Are you the One from above
What happened to real love?

#3

Forgot not


'never did write that poem,
I must have left it at home,
or written it in a dream

it floated right by,
and into the sky,
it was lighter than it did seem

but who was the author?
who was it about?
what did it exactly mean?

it was about me,
it was about you,
'how we were a wonderful team

now it's about me not pretending,
that I was the only one mending,
and sowing and mending the seam

I'd be right there,
and not perfect I swear,
I remember the threats and the scream

let's remember the gifts,
'remember the presents,
the dark's not as dark as it seems

heck I won't play the games,
it's just not the same,
I'm not there and it's end of the scheme

#2

be hard on yourself,
mother's guilt can't make you bleed

nothing found looking at your unintended alibis,
nothing is what you need

accidents don't exist,
it's all a perfect read

learning from learning,
grow in greed